Pre-Dating Speed Dating Featured in SPEAK UP Magazine

Because we’ve all grown so used to technology to protect us, many people find it difficult to break the ice with someone they are initially attracted to. You might feel awkward, judged or intimidated. Some older daters may have spent years raising a family and/or with another person.

So how do you meet new people in today’s world without getting lost in the maze of on-line dating and apps?

We asked Linda deLucca of Pre-Dating Speed Dating and Lock & Key Singles Events for some advice…

SAYING GOODBYE TO DATING APPS

Dating IRL

CURRENT AFFAIRS by TALITHA LINEHAN

RISE AND FALL

As a result, the world’s biggest dating apps have registered a decrease in the number and engagement of their users. At the same time, IRL dating events have been increasing in popularity. The ticketing platform Eventbrite says the number of people going to IRL dating events in the US increased by 42 per cent last year compared to 2022. In response to this trend, Bumble has launched Bumble IRL and Match Group has launched 72 Hours, both of which organize IRL events, where people connect in person as opposed to online.

SPEED DATING

One US company has been organizing IRL events since long before dating apps became popular: Pre-Dating Speed Dating and Lock & Key Singles Parties was founded in 2001. Since then the company has organized some forty thousand speed dating and signature Lock & Key events in 120 cities across the US. Speed dating events have become very popular since the very first of its kind was held in 1998 in Beverly Hills. It was the idea of a Harvard graduate and rabbi called Yaacov Deyo, who aimed to get Jewish couples together to marry and have families. As everyone seemed very busy, he proposed a way for people to meet as quickly and efficiently as possible: speed dating was born!

LOCK AND KEY SINGLES EVENTS

In Lock & Key events, every person identifying as a woman receives a padlock, and every man receives a key. The objective is to match the right key with the right padlock. This guarantees a fun way to (maybe) find love! To find out more, Speak Up spoke to Linda deLucca, CEO and co-owner of Pre-Dating Speed Dating and Lock & Key Singles Parties. We began by asking her about what happens in a typical event.

Linda deLucca (American accent): “Typically, we host an event in a nice venue, nice local place, and we usually have about ten women and ten men, maybe up to fourteen women and fourteen men. And that’s really important; you want to an equal number if you can get it. You don’t want people sitting by themselves or being turned away. And we want the best experience possible because people are nervous and, you know, this is a very personal service. We’re not selling you a hamburger! You’re opening your heart up at these events. So, the host welcomes them, gives them some instructions, they sit down, and then she or he lets them speak to one another for up to six minutes. And you talk about whatever you want. But we have little icebreakers if you get stuck. Most people talk about some superficial things, but it’s good to sort of find out what people are looking for. Are they looking for just somebody to have some fun with this weekend while they’re in town, or are they looking for marriage and kids? So it’s good to make sure that you’re on the same page in that way. So as they’re going through the event, they’re writing on a match sheet whether or not they like this person.”

READY FOR REALITY?

As deLucca explains, technology is banned in these events, as everyone can agree that it may have made the whole process much harder. This offers a challenge for participants: to engage with other real people.

Linda deLucca: “It’s funny because my partner and I, we both come from tech backgrounds. And

the first thing we thought was, ‘Oh, we’ll just write an app. Why are we using paper and pencils?’ But we figured out quickly that the technology gets in the way. The goal here is to get you off your phone. We don’t want you staring at your phone the whole event. So the paper and the pencil, as old school as it is, it’s wonderful because it’s not distracting, you’re looking eye-to-eye with that person. That’s really the point of the event. So they write down whether or not they would like to talk to this person again. And at the end of the event, if there is interest, we’ll exchange their contact information and then they’ll be able to talk to each other from that point on. These events, classic speed dating events, are extremely, extremely successful. We have a very high success rate, much, much better than online. Online, you’re generally looking at about a hundred profiles to find somebody to match with. And at our events, let’s say you’re meeting an average of ten men, you’re going to generally match with two or three of them. So very, very good odds at our events.”

LOCK AND KEY

Lock & Key is a trademarked event with an innovative approach, deLucca tells us more.

Linda deLucca: “Lock & Key is less structured than speed dating. Speed dating is quite regimented: Sit here. We time you. You get up. You move to the next person and talk to each person a certain amount of time. And that’s not for everybody. Some people love that. They love the structure of that, but other people don’t. So Lock & Key offers them something different. It’s a more loose, cocktail party feel. So, every man gets a key and every woman gets a lock on a little necklace, and they go around the room and they try to unlock. And when they unlock, they get a little prize ticket. And at the end of the event, we have a prize drawing for them. So it’s a lot of fun, but it’s loose. You can speak to each person for thirty seconds or, if you’re really intrigued by that person, you could stand there for forty-five minutes and have a conversation with that person. Generally, there’ll be at least thirty to fifty men and the same number of women at the event. So you’re meeting a lot of people fast, and what’s different about it is that when you have a party or a typical singles mixer, the same thing happens: the pretty girl has five guys around her, and the shy people are in the corner not meeting anybody. This gives you the permission and the excuse — and the mission to go up and meet every single person at that event.”

POST-TECH HANGOVER

Because we have all grown so used to technology to protect us, many people find it difficult to break the ice with someone they are initially attracted to. You might feel awkward, judged or intimidated. Some older daters may have spent years raising a family and/or with another person. We asked deLucca for some advice.

Linda deLucca: “There’s definitely a lot more nervousness and butterflies in an in-person event. That excitement and that nervousness to me is number one, part of the fun. And number two, that’s a shared experience, and to me, breaking the ice happens when you have those kind of shared experiences. You’re both out of your comfort zone, you’re going to bond very quickly over that shared experience.”

BE YOUR (REAL) SELF

So, what is the secret to a successful date?

Linda deLucca: “I think really the most important advice is to be yourself. And I know that sounds very cliché, but that’s who you are at your core, and you’re not going to be able to keep up any kind of facade for very long anyway. So just be yourself and relax and try to open up.”

Dating App Fatigue

A term that first appeared in a 2024 study in Forbes Health is recognizable to millions of us: ‘dating app fatigue’ refers to that significant percentage of dating app users who report feeling emotionally, mentally, or physically exhausted by using dating platforms, such as Tinder, Grindr or Bumble. Dating apps have transformed how people connect, with millions still using them as a primary means to find romance. However, the disenchantment users feel begins early on with the feeling that what is on offer is not what you get. Increasingly, reports show that such apps encourage mainly casual encounters without genuine connection. A Pew Research Center survey reveals that 51 per cent of women in the US had negative experiences on dating apps, including instances of harassment3 or dishonesty. Many users report feeling burnout or drained4 by common issues like ‘ghosting’, where someone suddenly cuts off communication, or ‘cancelling’, when plans repeatedly fall through. Some suggest that dating apps encouraging cheating and, even more worryingly, the number of false profiles and scams has soared. In her line of work, Linda deLucca, CEO of Pre-Dating Speed Dating and Lock & Key Singles Parties, has come across dating app fatigue many times. Speak Up asked her to tell us more about it.

Linda deLucca: It is real. I can tell you that because we hear it every single day, all day long.

“The apps were a disaster for me. The websites were a disaster for me.” So it’s real. People are very frustrated with them. I know a lot of people have met that way, and that’s wonderful. They’ve been around for ten, fifteen years now and ten, fifteen years in, people are really realizing that they don’t have all the answers. They’re just not the solution for everyone. There’s a lot of profiles on there that are old. So you’re really sorting through a lot of outdated info. Some stats say that up to 40 per cent of the profiles on there are not people that are even actively looking for a relationship. And then approximately 20 per cent of the people on there are only looking for, you know, a little fun, a little hookup. And that’s fine if that’s what you’re looking for. But that may not be what you’re looking for. And I don’t know about you, but I don’t really want to be judged on one second of “Here’s my picture, and that’s all I am.” I mean, I’m more than that. You’re more than that. So we slow it down. We want you to get to know the person. I mean, give them six minutes of undivided attention. You may find that the person that you glanced at for a second and thought was the love of your life, that you can’t stand that person. You hate the sound of their voice. You know, some people are great online and texting and communicating, and then when you get to know them in person, there’s nothing there. They’re flat and you really don’t have anything in common with this person. So I can’t imagine, and I know people do it, but I can’t imagine, God bless them, people that swipe, swipe, swipe, swipe, swipe and think that they’re going to find the most significant person in their entire lives. I mean… I don’t know.

ILLUSION OF SCREEN LOVE

We asked deLucca about the difference between online and real-life connection.

Linda deLucca: Humans are just wired to see, hear, smell and interact with a potential partner or even a potential friend in that moment in person. The old-fashioned word for it is ‘chemistry’. It’s really about chemistry. And you can chat with somebody or text somebody or even talk on the phone with somebody for two years, and the moment that you meet them in person, you’re going to realize whether or not you really have chemistry. And it’s important. It’s based on a thousand or a million little things: pheromones, sound… and other non-verbal cues that people give off and just how they carry themselves. And it just can’t be done online. You know, the technology is great. I love technology, I’m an early adopter of all kinds of technology. I thought the dating sites were just a fantastic idea, because you know it’s like ordering from a catalogue: you just search for exactly what you want, and you pick the one that you want out of thousands. But it really results in quantity over quality. And I tell you, I look at my own husband; if somebody showed me a picture of my husband, I never would have… He’s just not what I thought was my type. But when you get to know a person, you realize there’s really a connection here.

TOO MUCH

Additionally, there is the very real issue of too much choice. As deLucca explains, it is very easy to hide in a crowd. We tend not to reveal ourselves on dating apps, and we quickly lose interest if we need to make any effort at all.

Linda deLucca: Even with Tinder or Bumble or whatever, you’re going to have to sift through hundreds, if not thousands of profiles. You’re going to have to communicate with all of those people. You’re going to have to wait for them to get back to you, and then you’re going to hopefully set up a time to meet. Now, all right, Thursday night we’re going to meet. Let’s hope that they don’t ghost you, that
they don’t cancel on you, that you don’t spend a lot of money on that one date. And then we’ve all been on that date where the minute you meet that person, you realize that it’s not going to happen, and you have to sit there on that date thinking about how long do I have to sit here to be polite? And when can I get the heck out of here? So meeting at an in-person event removes so much of that awkwardness and time wasting. Once you realize how much better it is to meet in person at a Pre-Dating event, you’ll never go back! ◼