PreDating Speed Dating Tips for Men:
How To Maximize Your Opportunities!

After much feedback about where people go wrong at our events, we have compiled this helpful list of tips so you can maximize your experience and match rate. Much of these tips are from ladies who provided us feedback about men who have attended. Many of these tips may not apply to you but hey, we all make mistakes and we all could use a few tips. If nothing else, some of these serve as a helpful reminder. Since they came from actual situations that women encountered while at our events, there's definitely some men making these faux pas.

The Biggest Mistake Men Make - We will start off with the big one. We've all heard of the book, men are from mars, women are from venus. Basically, it simply recognizes that men and women's brains are wired differently, and we don't think alike, but we keep acting and communicating like we do think alike, hence the problem. Men are visual. We see a woman and make a decision as to our interest level. Many men who attend speed dating events will decide very quickly, sometimes as fast as the first 10 or 20 seconds, if they are interested in the woman. And what do many of us do if we are interested and likely to circle YES to them? We start selling ourselves. We already know we are circling yes, now we have to convince them to circle us and show them that we are different, better, worth a shot, etc. Well, therein lies the problem. To accomplish this we often start talking too much about ourselves, trying to sell them on us. At the end of the PreDate we walk away thinking it went well, and all the woman can think to herself is "that guy is all about himself" and does not select us.

So, here's our advice: keep the focus on them, answer their questions briefly but not so brief it seems we are avoiding the question, then ask them something. Keep flipping the focus on them, which shows you have a genuine interest in who they are, which afterall, is what most women want, someone who is interested more in them for their brains and personality than for their looks.

Communicate - One thing we've heard from women attending who do not select certain men is that they felt the man did not communicate, that he didn't have good communication skills or he was too nervous to speak. In other words, it was a pretty quiet 6-minutes. But usually the woman is simply misjudging the guy as lacking skills instead of he just being shy or nervous. If you don't know what to say next, pick up our green question card, say, "let's have a little fun with these cards", and ask her a question. This keeps the conversation flowing until something else comes up that you both can talk about.

Don't Judge - Before the event starts, it's best to suspend your judgement on each person or the group as a whole. It's amazing how people have circled yes to one or more people when they initially whispered to us they didn't think there would be any connections. There's nothing like that up close, face to face conversation to get to know someone a little better.

Appearance - As ZZ top says "every girl's crazy for a sharp dressed man". We rarely see jeans or shorts. Some people do wear suits but it is best to wear what you are comfortable with. We recommend business casual. Don't forget to iron. :-) In addition to clothes, it should go without saying that good personal hygience is a must.

Confidence - Although many people are nervous when they attend for the first time, women do tend to respond better to men who are confident and relaxed. Do your best to project that type of image.

Don't Linger - When the bell rings, politely wrap up your conversation. If you are too abrupt, they may think you are not interested, if you linger too long, they may think you are rude and not abiding by the "rules". Wrap up what you were talking about, say a parting remark like "nice meeting you" or if you really want to see her again you can say "I hope to talk to you again sometime" and move on. Remember, if you sit too long, you are holding up the guy behind you (and likely a bunch of others behind him) which the woman will likely notice. This will not make you friends with the guy who has to follow you from table to table throughout the evening. Additionally, your time with the next lady will be shortned (as will be the guy behind you) because you will be using up some of the 6 minutes allocated for your PreDate.

Notes - Do not write notes at the table. It makes women uncomfortable taking notes about someone that is sitting right in front of them. However, you definitely should make some notes, as they are important to keep everyone straight. A number of participants have told us they have met people for a date after matching up at our PreDating event and didn't really know which person it was! They couldn't put the face to the name. DOH! Also, taking notes about a woman shows her you are interested, which might enhance the chances she will circle you as a match. KEEP IN MIND - We do have our "Let's Talk" and "Not Ready" cards and it is important to abide by those before sitting with the next lady. If you don't know what these are, they are explained to everyone at the event by your friendly Coordinator.

The Friend/Business Category - Many women want things to start off slow or simply a bit unsure and don't want to make it obvious they are interested just quite yet. How many times have you read a personal ad that says "friends first". Some women are really interested but just aren't ready to indicate they are interested in dating. If you are interested in a women, we highly recommend you also circle friend/business so you cover your bases. Then, follow up if you have a friend/business match and take it slow. This often can lead to a relationship. Some women just don't want to feel any pressure whatsoever, so this category works best for them. But, keep in mind the friend/business category can mean only that, a friend or business connection only with no romantic interest.

Opening Questions - Try to avoid asking the following:
     Have you done this before? When the answer is yes, the person might feel that you may be implying that if they have attended more than once there may somehow be something wrong with them. The reason people attend more than once varies, with most people's reason being simply that they are very discerning and let's face it, dating is a numbers game.
     Asking a particularly attractive woman at an event "why are you here" or "I cannot believe you need to do this to meet people" Women attend our events because they are busy and don't like bars and may not want to do the online dating thing, etc. Our experience is that most women tend to want a man who is "professional" and since we focus on professionals, many women prefer PreDating to other services. So it's best to not act surprised to see attractive, intelligent and successful women attending such an event. They have a tough time meeting quality people just as much as we do. And sometimes, the really attractive ones have a harder time because men automatically assume they're taken when they aren't!

Negativity - You only have 6 minutes. Any negative self talk or talking negatively about another person or your past relationships, may cause you to be branded (perhaps unfairly) as a negative person. Remember, attitude is everything. Negativity doesn't get you matches! Be Positive, upbeat, positive people are often viewed as highly likable.

Touching - Handshakes are fine, but respect her personal space. Hand kissing, empathetic touching, etc. is a bit much for a 6-minute "PreDate". Women tend to be put off when men do not respect their personal space.

Chairs - Probably best not to pull out a woman's chair, although chivalrous, they aren't used to it, so just sit in yours when you approach the table.

Listening - We were given 2 ears and only 1 mouth, so it's best for us to listen twice as much as we speak. :-)

Names - Although everyone has a badge #, they also have their first name on the badge. Avoid objectifying a woman by saying "Hello #3". It's best to say "Hello Mary" (who happens to be badge #3.)

Alcohol - Most people have a drink or two while at the event, but people who drink too much don't get many "yeses". Also, please help support the establishment where we hold our events and take care of your bartender or waitstaff. Ladies notice this.

Smile - Simple right? But don't forget to do it. :-)

Joking - Women like men who make them laugh, but be careful how you do it. Avoid sexual innuendo. Although you might come up with something funny, it's best to stay away from the sexual innuendo, most women won't think it's appropriate for a 6-minute date.

Past relationships - They are in the past for a reason, no need to bring it up here. No one likes their 6 minutes to be taken up with a guy talking about their past relationships, what went wrong, etc. If you somehow start doing this, try to catch yourself and stop.

Focus - If a woman sees you are interested in everything else around the room but her, you'll likely not be circled.

Treat Everyone How You Wanted to be Treated - Women do tend to trade information, especially in the rest room. If a man is a jerk with a woman he's completely not interested in, this information is often brought up to others. The last thing you want to have happen is the woman you really want to match with hears from another that you were not polite and then decides to cross you out because of that negative feedback.

Breaks - We have a break half-way into the event. Some men will tend to talk with a woman they are definitely interested in during that break to squeeze more than their 6 minutes in. This is OK, but most likely the woman does want to take a break so it's important to ask her if she would like a break or wants to continue chatting. Feel free to offer to buy her a drink at this time as well.

Be Discreet - Avoid making negative comments about other participants or the crowd in general, as women who overhear you have been known to change their answers, and can change yeses to no's even after the event (people occasionally send us email that night or next morning saying they changed their mind one way or another). They also may tell their friends or just other women they meet in the rest room about you, good or bad.

Eye Contact - This is really important. On numerous occasions women have told us that a man who does not make eye contact makes them feel something is wrong with him. Try to be conscious of this as best you can while at the same time not staring either. :-)

Body Language - These subconscious signals can affect whether someone will circle yes to you or not. Show interest, lean forward, smile, etc.

Past Events - Sometimes women ask if you have attended a past event. If you have, obviously you should tell the truth, however, it's best not to advertise this fact. Although we think it's just fine to attend many events, because if you are selective, sometimes it takes a few events to find the right person and that they select you as well, it's best to not go out of your way to say how many events you have attended.

Distance - Some people have a distance preference and do not like to date people who live or work too far from them. Others do not care. Keep this in mind as if you are a far distance from someone, that might affect their decision as to whether they will circle you for a match or not.

Marital Status - Yes, some people, both men and women who are not yet divorced but are legitimately separated or just don't have their divorce paperwork completed yet have been known to attend our events. Our requirement is each person must be legitimately looking to meet someone for dating. If that means a person attending has been separated for 2 years and the divorce will be final in another 6 months and there is no chance of reconciliation with the ex, then we accept that as person being legitimately available for dating. However, if it's a recent separation, and there is still a chance for reconciliation and the person is still seeing the ex, then that person should not be attending our event. However, everyone has different feelings on this issue as some do not think it's proper to attend until the paperwork is done even if there is no chance for reconcilliation. Keep this in mind if you fit into this category.

Self Promotion/Business Promotion - We have had men attend and hand out their business cards and talk about their business a bit too much. Women tend to view this as the guy is attending only to promote his business and is not really interested in meeting someone, especially them. Remember, the "rules" are to not ask for their contact information. If you decide to offer up yours instead of waiting for the results, that's your decision but most women frown upon it, especially if they see it being done to all the other women there.

After the Event - When the event is over, most people do go home immediately or shortly thereafter. It's OK to stay, in fact our venues prefer it. And sometimes men and women who meet at the event decide to hang out together afterwards. But please be mindful that some women may not want to stay and that some women are uncomfortable with men they don't know walking them to their cars, etc.

OTHER TIPS

• In-between bells you only have a minute. Don't show a women that getting another drink is more important than her. Many a guy has blown an opportunity by arriving late to a woman's table.
• By the same token, try to arrive a bit early or on-time to the event so you don't arrive at a table late for the first round.
• If your drink is empty, don't leave it at a woman's table (she probably won't appreciate it). Carry it to the bar or kindly ask your coordinator if it can be placed somewhere that's appropriate.
  Have Some Tips We Missed or Would Like To Give Us Tips Women Can Use? Email tips@pre-dating.com